Progress Quest

Discussion in 'MMORPG Games: The Realms' started by Quant, May 24, 2004.

  1. Quant

    Quant Active Member

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    http://www.progressquest.com/

    In case you haven't heard about this game.

    Here is a review:-

    (NB: Dan is NOT me, my character Quanticus Roadhogger an Enchanted Motorcycle Shiv Knight on Obolog server is only a couple of levels still armed with a pointy stick. Least he traded his lacy vambraces for some macrame ones now.)

    Enter Progress Quest.

    Progress Quest is a game only in the loosest sense of the word. Once you've downloaded the installer, and put the game on your desktop, you go about creating your character. At this point, it is basically identical to every other RPG out there.

    You pick a race, choose a class, and roll your stats. Then you are ready to go. It is here that Progress Quest takes its bold leaps ahead in game design.

    There is now no longer a need to find the village chieftain to hear about the evil loose on the land. There is no slowly scrolling backstory with made up words (you can get one on the website, if you want). In fact, there isn't even a village. There is nothing but your stats, and sliding blue bars that fill up and empty, marking your progress.

    You don't actually even play Progress Quest. You just turn it on, and watch your characters stats and equipment increase as they massacre a text-based countryside of monsters.

    That's not even entirely true, even. You don't even have to watch. You can just turn it on, go have a sandwich, and come back and check on whether you've upgraded that +40 Heavy Pronged Halberd yet.

    Progress Quest is more than just a joke, though. It raises a couple of interesting points about videogaming, and videogamers.

    Progress Quest most obviously makes a point about the current trend in RPGs. It has stripped out all elements that require any type of personal involvement or interaction with the player, and left only the character building elements. The games language itself is a mockery of traditional RPGs. On your quest bar, you have to do inane tasks such as "Placate the Treants" or "Exterminate the Jubilexes," or my current favorite, "Deliver this lunchpail." Your spell list includes things like "Spectral Oyster," and "Animate Nightstand."

    So what we are looking at here is a game that is constructed as an exercise in satire. This game's reason for existence, at first glance, is to critique the current trends in RPGs. But there is more to it.

    People love it.

    There is a strategy guide. There are fan sites. And perhaps most tellingly, there are thousands of characters and countless CPU cycles. Think of it as a distributed client that uses your computer's spare time to accomplish absolutely nothing. Forget SETI@home. Bring on the Porn Elementals.

    I'm actually running Spazzo, my 54th-level Lunatic-Bastard Battle Finch, right now. He has a +41 Stabbity Steely Broadsword, +21 Cambric Gilded Plasma Vambraces and a CON of 373. And climbing.

    So whatever joke there may be in the creation of the game, the fact remains that people are enjoying it. It's a common complaint amongst hardcore RPGers that there is not enough plot and character in today's games, that they are just clickfests, and that they are all about the stats and stuff. The hardcore contend that the average gaming consumer really wants content and nuance.

    It appears that the hardcore are wrong.

    — Dan Norton (dan@flakmag.com)
     
  2. Aileric

    Aileric Getting Started

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    Dear Quant:

    ROFLMAO smegging classic... about time someone parodied the pointlessness of the click button = get feed pellet systems of many games. Seeing as I cant get into SWG and grind (LOL) for Jedi atm, I may as well grind progressquest. I too want a indefineable flail of minor distraction LOL

    Cheers,
    Aileric

    PS> What do they charge for this incredible experience LOL
     
  3. Aileric

    Aileric Getting Started

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    damnit damnit damnit

    Dear Quant:

    Aileric of Marsh-Gibbon (my full name - and actuallt a real name from history, incidently), is a Demicanadian Puma Burgler, and I am so disappointed.

    I had vanbraces of -1 macrame, but the game autoreaplaced them with Rusty Canvas Vambraces... I am disappointed beyond consoling atm LOL

    Loving it so far ... probably the best RPG I have played in a while...

    Cheers,
    Aileric
     
  4. Aileric

    Aileric Getting Started

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    Dear Quant:

    Damn you Quant!!!! I am addicted now ... my level 6 puma burglar is taking all sorts of wonderous MOBs in my flannel armour and +2 garbage can lid shield. Dewd! I just executed a giant boy scout in my efforts to deliver the chicken (quest).

    Meet thee in the battle arena,
    Aileric of Marsh-Gibbon
    Level 6 Puma Burglar Extraordinaire
     
  5. Portents

    Portents Getting Started

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    It's the Best MMORPG EVER !!!

    nuff said
     
  6. Smash

    Smash Retired Admin

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    this is too funny...have it running now...hope it isn't some hack ;)
     
  7. Karmajay

    Karmajay Retired Advisor

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    I have it running at the house while Im at work..hope the wifey hasnt turned it off!
     
  8. DocKins

    DocKins Well-Known Member

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    Running it while your away? Bah. Half of whats funny about the "game" is watching it and all the weird battles and quests it puts you through.
     
  9. Smash

    Smash Retired Admin

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    yeah but running it while your away is half the point ;)
     
  10. Aileric

    Aileric Getting Started

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    Dear All:

    Quest xxxxx: Deliver this bunny
    Quest xxxxx+1: Fetch me a bunny

    Hmm reminds me of the military .. dig a hole .. fill it again ... not that I was ever in the military because I was "voorgoed ongeschikt" for the Ducth military (compulsory service there btw), but that is another story.

    I am just hoping the porn elementals resurface now that I have ths spell "Grognors Big Day Off - level IV". It could be an interesting encounter. Armed with that, "Animate Nightstand IV" and good ole reliable "Slime Finger" (level XIV no less!!!) I am quite the formdible Puma Burglar now.

    You should f33r my l337 abilities.

    Cheers,
    Aileric
     
  11. Jopet

    Jopet Getting Started

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    @#($*&(@% bots!!

    RANG RANG YOU GO NOW PK!!11! PK!

    :D

    /Jo
     
  12. RedSaltire

    RedSaltire Getting Started

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    this is way funny... great entertainment while rendering video.


    I am...

    Gastrick the Level 28 Battle-Felon Gyrognome

    F33R my Cone of Annoyance X and Vitreous Humor II. I will make your life less comfortable using my +14 Stabbity Peen-arm while I "deliver this hoe" and "seek the reverential gimlet".

    I really wish someone would create an actual 3D MMO that was this hysterical. I think I would be in tears the whole time though and have a hard time playing the game. Towards the end of EQ the most entertaining part of the game was when it first loaded up and showed those silly messages like, "hitting ogres with an ugly stick" etc.
     
  13. Jopet

    Jopet Getting Started

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    Act II in progress with:

    Ploddah the Almighty, level 27 Enchanted Motorcycle Tickle-Mimic.

    Ok, ok, I added the "almighty" bit.. :oops:

    I like this game, I can play it at work. :D

    /Jo
     
  14. Janus

    Janus Hope is Alive

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    LOL. The ultimate game. I can minimise it to the system tray. :lol:
     
  15. Aileric

    Aileric Getting Started

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    Need an automated guild LOL

    Dear All:

    Now all we need is an automated Progress Quest guild chapter, and randomly generated dramas. Who'd have thought not playing could be so much fun LOL.

    Aileric of Marsh-Gibbon
    Lev 39 Demincanadian Puma Burglar

    PS> WOOT WOOT I have porn elemental lube ... darn sold it for gold again /sigh
     
  16. Jopet

    Jopet Getting Started

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    This game rocks!! My guy is so uber now...

    BTW, if you want some extra entertainment while playing this game (and who doesn't lol), I can recommend the forums highly, though I don't suggest reading them with others present, and preferably find a padded cell first to read it in. Take a box of tissues, a crowbar and a packet of your favorite sweets.

    /Jo

    Ploddah the Almighty
    Lvl 30 Enchanted Motorcycle Tickle Mimic
     
  17. Janus

    Janus Hope is Alive

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    Classic, absolutely classic. My favourite quest would have to be "Fetch me a toothpick"

    It's tough, but the rewards at the end are definitely worth it! :wink:

    Woozle the Mighty
    Level 20 Mu-Fu Monk Talking Pony
    "Beware my Level XI Rabbit Punch! Banzai!"
    (A Talking Pony has just got to have a warcry.)
     
  18. Karmajay

    Karmajay Retired Advisor

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    Lvl 39 here
     
  19. Jopet

    Jopet Getting Started

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    47. Fortunately I wasn't at work over the weekend, so my guy apparently decided all that extra CPU could be put to good use levelling. :)

    Best part about this game aside from the absolutely awesome hyper-dimensional 3D rendering and the amazing scenery is its very rich set of commands to support the chat system...
     
  20. Jopet

    Jopet Getting Started

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    My favourite is definitely "Fetch me a pint", and it's a repeatable quest. :p

    I seem to have a surplus of Gorgon testicles, let me know if you have a need of any.

    /Jo
     

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